It was late at night when I decided to run. I didn't know what time, my watch had broken a few days ago. Mom was watching the soaps and Dad was still at work. Andy had just won his softball game and was rightfully exhausted. I didn't know what to do with myself.
I had been avoiding my friends since the night at the drive-in. I haven't been clear to anyone at all- I know that's my fault. There's plenty of things that I will take the blame for. It's not like I can change that quick.
(i tried. i've been trying. i'm sorry.)
But maybe I can take myself out of the narrative. If I ditch them long enough, maybe then they'll finally get the point.
My steps came forward, one after the other. Breath coming in short stops rather than a 3/4 pace rhythm. (Like piano. Marcia always preferred the waltzes on her violin, whether we played a duet or not.)
I felt erratic, but at least I was aware. But still, I kept going. What else could I do? I bit down a cough and kept going, despite the dryness in the back of my throat.
The wind felt cool against my bare forearms, rushing through my fingers and tousling my hair. It had that distinct, earthy, night-like smell that always kept me going. It felt wild, bittersweet. I could get lost in a single blink of it and I wouldn't even tell. I ran, and ran, and ran, until I could feel my heart leaping up to my head.
I stopped at the corner of the street, catching my breath. My muscles felt all baggy, but tight at the same time, clenching and convulsing and shaking all over. My blood ran hot. I put my hands on my knees to keep myself from keeling over- then rested them on top of my head as I gradually straightened up.
My brain was running faster than my legs and everything sounded like whistles. My own speech was garbled, or at least that’s what it sounded like to me. God, I haven't had a run like this in a long time! I stood there for a short while, just Me and my Madness (how heavenly! how heavenly!) before I heard a car pull up beside me. And a voice among the light.
"Hey, Raymond!"
I turned my head slowly. He honked the car horn at me, the loud sound making me flinch.
"You wanna get out of the rain, or are you just gonna stand there and catch cold?"
I hadn't even realized it was raining. Sure, I might have felt a few droplets while I was on my run, but the “few droplets” escalated to more and more until now, when he asked, I could feel them pounding on my skin like bruises.
I stood there like an idiot, mouth opening to say something indignant- then closing. I had nothing to say, and the cold was starting to get to me now that I wasn't moving.
"We don't have all day. I left the engine on." He drawled out.
"Yeah... yeah, sure." I mumbled, walking to the door to the seat opposite his and bounding in. "Thanks, Randy."
"Don't worry about it, Ray." Randy scanned me over through the rearview mirror. As soon as I made eye contact with him, he glanced away. Soon enough, he started driving off to nowhere again. I was starting to come down from my high, but it still felt like I could hear Everything and Everywhere.
"You didn't join in the rumble either?" I questioned him once the silence got too loud.
"No, I ditched them." He suddenly looked at me, a little more alert- a little more concerned. His eyebrows scrunched together. "How about you, Ray? Anyone tailing you?"
"Nope.” I replied. “I was just running."
"Huh. Thought you were being chased by one of the Greasers." Randy turned his focus back to the road. "You had that feral look on your face. Ants in your pants."
"Feral?"
"Nah, nah- it's all the same kind of thing, er- kind of look. Fight or flight, you know? You're trying to get away, or you just got a few good hits in, and the expression just shows. It's primitive. Ya can’t control it." He explained, making little motions with his free hand. Randy was a lefty.
"Ah, I see." I chuckled humorlessly. "That's fair, I guess. Never pegged you as the science-y type."
Randy shrugged. “Never pegged you as the type to go on a run in the middle of the night when it’s raining cats and dogs.”
A beat of silence before I looked back up at him.
“I guess we don’t really know that much about each other, huh?”
“That I can say is true.” He nodded, eyes glancing over the yellow signs as he drove down the road. It seemed a bit backwoods- (he’s gonna kill you. Stick a knife in your back like little Johnny. Why’d you have to get him anyways? Why?) the type of place with a good trail and good people.
“You’re not gonna drag me deep into the forest and dismember me, are you?” I joked morbidly. Randy seemed to get it, his eyes were shining with mirth.
“Well, I’ve never had a penchant for murder,” He smiled. “but I do enjoy hatchets.”
We both laughed for a bit. It was dark and rainy, but I couldn’t hear it over the sounds of our joy. My hearing had become hypersensitive recently- either that or I was just paying more attention to it. I guess I had my own reasons, even if I don’t really know them right now. Tuning out the bad stuff was just easier. Much easier.
I guess I didn’t have to tune it out for much longer, because before I knew it, the rain had let up. At least a little bit- It was more sprinkler-like rather than bullets, leaving a soft mist on the windows.
“Where are you taking me anyways?” My knee bobbed up and down, a bad habit of mine. I was always moving. If my knee wasn’t bobbing then my hand was tugging at my hair or scribbling with a pencil or stabbing my nails into my own palm. Randy only sighed, looking at me with a weary smile. I hadn’t noticed the dark circles under his eyes until now.
“In all honesty, I don’t know. I just need to get away from here, you looked like you needed it too.”
(Maybe I can get away. Randy’s still a soc and so am I, so am I, so am I! I am until I can cut myself off entirely away from them, nothing left at all. No strings attached. I can get away if I try.)
I scoffed playfully. “Remind me to never get in a car with you again…”
“Hey!” He shot a glare at me, but it didn’t stab as much as it should’ve. I could see the grin he was trying to hide. “I should’ve left you on that street corner where you were standing.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Yeah, yeah I didn’t.” Randy rolled his eyes as he parked the car, stepping out into the night air that I cherished so much. “C’mon.”
He stood outside, head pointed straight at the sky, beaming from ear to ear like a little kid. The stars were clear in view, we were far high enough to see each and every little constellation without any pollution from the city down below. “Well- this looks right as rain.” Randy said calmly.
“Interesting timing, my friend.” I smirked. Just as he said that, the rain picked back up. I don’t really think I cared this time. I sloshed around in the dew, catching up to him as he walked to the center of the field.
Randy raised an eyebrow at me, though his eager expression held no malice whatsoever. “We’re friends now, eh Raymond?”
“This is what friends do, Randy.” I shrugged, walking through the muddy grass, soiling my shoes and the ends of my pants. “Totally.”
“This was nice of you, you know?” I giggled, breaking into a run- moving around in small circles. “I think I did need this. I think I have for a while.”
I danced around Randy, feet on the ground and my head in the clouds. “Just keep on talking with me like this, and I’ll never tire.” (never ever, never ever, never ever, never ever, never ever. I gotta keep going.) “There. That’s my only secret. I’m that simple.”
“Honestly, I feel the same.” He shrugged, expression becoming a bit more solemn. “Everything’s kind of just… been off this year.”
“It’s changing. Everything is. And everything will. Maybe it’ll be better, we’ll be better off. Maybe we’ll be better off worse. There’s one thing though-” I paused my small ramble, raising my left hand, a negative amount of matter pinched between my pointer, no, my index, and my thumb. “I don’t think it will ever be the same again. It- it just hasn’t ever. I dunno how I know..”
“Cryptic much?” Randy glanced down at me, hands in his pockets.
“Sa’ll fair, Randy. Maybe I just feel like that.” I plopped down on one of the less muddy spots, pointing up at the sky. “There’s Cassiopeia.”
Randy glanced over at me, waiting for me to continue.
“My mother would always tell me and An’ stories about the stars. And Cassi sure was a boaster.” I laughed. “She was always bragging that she was prettier than the nymphs, that her daughter, Andromeda, was prettier than the nereids, Poseidon’s girls.” I explained pointedly, droning on and on and on. Just like she would.
“As punishment, Cassiopeia was stuck permanently onto her throne- I dunno how, with superglue or something…“ I skipped the small details. “and get this- her chair was forced to wheel around the north celestial pole! She had to cling to the damn thing half the time so she wouldn’t fall off.”
Randy grinned wryly, showing his teeth. “Now that’s a coaster I’d never want to be on.”
“I hope that coaster breaks when I get on it.” I mumbled as I leaned back, my head thudding on the ground. “I hope it launches in the sky.” I raised my hands up, almost touching my dreams. “Then I’d hang my shoes up on the stars and climb to the highest point on that tiny crescent moon.” What a view. Perfect. “That’s what I’d do if I were able to fly.”
Randy stood over me, reducing my perfect view to almost perfect. Then again, he had that ethereal kind of charm, with his handsome looks and his silly Beatles hairdo- he’d fit right in among the stars. “You’re crazy, Ray.”
“I suppose I am.” I sat up and yawned, rolling my shoulders. They felt stiff. “Maybe I’m just tired.”
“Hm… I think I’ve got something for that.” He walked back out, carrying a small bottle. “Y’wanna go to sleep, Ray?”
“Huh?” I let out a breathless laugh, glancing at the bottle Randy was carrying. “The hell is that?”
“Got a leftover beer bottle.” He pried the cap off with his teeth, tossing it aside. “Think Bob must’ve left it in here.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Thought you were done with that crap.”
“For old times sake?”
I raised my other eyebrow. Not disappointed, but not amused.
“I dunno, man. For the last time. You’re here with me, let’s kick it. Let’s celebrate.” He said sardonically. “Great minds think alike, my friend.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, why the fuck not.” I can’t deal with anything anymore today. I just want to sleep. Maybe when the sun shines up I’ll feel better. “Pass it to me.” I took a drink from the bottle.
“Agh- what the hell?” I choked the bitter liquid down, coughing to get the horrid taste out. “Randy, this tastes awful.” I shivered. I think the rain was finally getting to me. “When did you find it?”
“A week or two ago, more or less. Bob stole it from his dad, we just never finished this one. Haven’t opened it till now though, so it should be fine…” Randy took a sip before quirking an eyebrow up bemusedly. “This tastes normal, Raymond. Have you never drank before?”
“God, you’re kidding.” I grimaced as he passed the bottle back to me, before taking a large swig. “Nah. It’s my first time.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine…” Randy stretched out, laying down next to me. “the taste goes away after a while.”
We each took a few more gulps from the comically large bottle. I thought they only sold wine in bottles that size… it looked fancy as hell, I felt like a king. The shining lights of blue and white and yellow twirled around my peripheral, likening it to that of Van Gogh’s Starry Night.
“You’re a bad influence, y’know that?” I giggled, hiccupping a bit.
“I leaaarned from the best.” Randy slurred, looking to the sky then back at me with a dopey grin.
“Y’know what?” I stood up with a jerk, wobbling a little before finally straightening myself up. “We- you and I- should have a toast.”
“To who?” Randy followed, awaiting my instructions.
“To us!” I cheered, “We’re having the night of our lives, ain’t we?”
“Sure feels like it.” Randy nodded. “I concur, Mr. Grey. Right on.”
“And to Bob! That sonofa-” Randy shushed me before I could continue. “He left us! He messed up in the first place. He has enough blame for all of this, we’re fighting for him!”
“Not us, Ray. Not us.” Randy chuckled bitterly. “He doesn’t even know what he started, does he?”
“And Johnny!” I added. “We can’t forget the perp.”
“Yeah, little Johnny.” Randy chuckled solemnly. “May he rest as well as we do.”
“To those like them and us- because WE don’t have to deal.” That’s the point of it all! I laughed, cackled like a witch. “They can settle their differences, sure! Fight it out. But we’ll let it be, yeah?”
“We’ll let it be. Ob la di, ob la da.” Randy grinned, making a reference to some band about bugs.
“La, la la la, life goes on.” I hummed the rest of the song- I couldn’t remember the name!
We spent the rest of that night laughing and talking and looking at the stars. It seemed to last longer than anything in that moment, but when I woke up, I could barely remember the half of it.
My headache pierced through my skull, which paired with a sour burning in my throat and a buzzing in my ears- dulled any sense of focus down to zilch. Randy, the nice guy he is, drove me home. We stopped at the same street he picked me up at- and I walked the rest of the way back home.
Sure, the thought appeared- we’d probably never have a talk like that again. Not that deep.
But I guess some things never change, no matter if you’re a Greaser or a Soc or whatever the hell he and I am now.
(Whatever I am. Maybe it’s fine.)