(Entry 1; setting: second night of the games, just after the death tolls)
I feel kind of stupid. Helpless even, sitting up in this tree.
At least i'm not six feet under like the other two that got offed today. I think it was the district 4 girl and a guy from the lumber district who died, I forgot as soon as their faces left the sky.
Good fucking riddance.
I'm glad I went to the cornucopia when I did, but this isn't exactly what I was looking for. Something along the lines of a sleeping bag maybe? But all I managed to find was some dried fruit, a small net, and this flimsy old thing. The spine is peeling off of it, for christ's sake.
I guess the sponsors love me enough to get me a pen, at least. A high quality one at that.
I've made a few friends, which is stupid. Everything i've been doing is kind of stupid. As much as I hate to admit it, I had a death wish. And just as I realized "hey, maybe I don't want to die" it's when i'm in a literal death game.
I have Ace by me for now which I think might be alright. She's making my arm fall asleep, but I don't really mind.
But i'm being watched, aren't I? Constantly. If not by the careers, it's by Theodosia, if it's not by Theodosia, it's Haymitch, & the Capitol, and Mother and Father-
Okay, maybe I need sleep. This thing is giving me more trouble than it's worth. - July 12th, Evening
(entry 2; setting - 5th day of the games, otis had a run in with the careers, as well as theo and cas, the other d4 guy... they both are merciful for some reason...)
Holy shit. I can barely breathe, much less talk.
Ace is dead, by the way.
Nothing new. For all her luck, she was never that fast anyways.
Her blood is still under my fingernails. It all happened so fast, they were on us like a flash. I want to plunge my hands in boiling water but i think that would just hurt even more. Still, the shock is just eating at my brain, I feel dizzy. I can't think. Everything feels forced.
I held her in my arms as she choked on her own blood, and all Theo and Cas could do was watch, standing over me.
Who do they think they are?
Some sort of savior?
Like they of all people could take my problems away.
But Theodosia literally blindsided me.
The blood wasn't on my hands, but hers. (Only in a literal sense, if I had noticed earlier-) I don't think Cas knows that.
She didn't "condemn" me or anything for not defending Ace. She's not that type of person. She didn't "condemn" me or anything, not even when I even volunteered for my own death when her life had been so cruelly ripped away.
What kind of game is Hieronymus playing? Does she even know she's fucking with my head?
I thought I knew her, but i'm not sure what I really do know at all.
I don't really know what to make of it, much less of anything else in this game. - July 15